1 AM

1 A.M. Deep in the pitch black, high pitched silence. Am @ the mercy of sleep. My only refuge from the exhaustion experienced earlier the previous day. A lot is going through my brain. The complexity of decisions that I am to make the next second, minute, hour, day, week, month, year. I don't want to blunder in life again. I don't want to play with fire lest am roasted.

I got a lot I gotta do in the shortest time possible. With the fatigue am I have I cant do a thing. All systems go choke a block. I try to sleep but thoughts, vivid thoughts, some real some fictitious of a recognizable past, an evolving present and a fulfilled future are in constant torpedo in my mind.

I think about her. Am saved. She aint. I still love her. I don't want to force her to love me, nor to convert to be saved. She has her own life to live. If I leave her, I will break her heart. And she might never get to love me again. Thats my dilemma. Whatever will happen, I live it to God to help me sort it out.

I look around me. My friends, my relatives and even my own parents, my mum, my dad and everyone else. My brother, my sisters. How will they receive me? Will they reject me? Will they tow along the line with me? Thats my dilemma too. How will I spread the gospel to the people I stay with? Where the F-word is a common phrase. Will I fit into the society?

The world around me is a hard nut to crack. Temptations left-right-center. I stumble and stagger. I want a better than this life. Lord I want a place that will help me grow n develop my faith in you. Strengthen me and give wisdom like Solomon. To act, to think and to grow in my faith. I made up my mind that I will follow You. Am ready to carry the cross and follow You. Whatever is in my future you know.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live but Christ lives in me. The life that I live in the body, I live by faith in the One who loved me and gave Himself for me.(GALATIANS 2:20) Thats my force, my engine fuel from Your Everlasting Petrol Station, The Bible. Amen.